Space and the spotty leopard
Space. Noun. “An empty area that is available to be used”.
I like this definition of space.
Many years ago, I was told by someone (when discussing certain patterns of behaviour that I felt had continually caused me problems) that I would never change. In their words, although repeating many before them –
“A leopard never changes its spots”.
In their mind, it was impossible for me to change. It was innate and out of my control. This wasn’t the first time I’d been told this and to be honest, it seemed to be true. The implication was that however hard I tried, I couldn’t alter my character. But, when I thought about it even more, it wasn’t that I’d tried hard. I just hadn’t tried at all. I’d just accepted it.
“I need space to think”. A common enough phrase but this is what triggered this conclusion. I really did need space to think. I’d never really given myself the time to actually consider why I couldn’t change. It wasn’t anything that I was doing. It was what I was not doing. I’d used this empty space and filled it with thoughts. This I concluded was my first step to changing.
The second step to change was realising that the environment I was in would never enable me to change. My space was surrounded by negativity. I needed a new space to fill with positivity and positive people. So I left.
When you leave unhealthy or abusive relationships, it’s easy to be tempted to go back to what you know. It’s like being attached to an invisible rope that keeps pulling you back. It’s all you have. They make you feel that you are all they have too. But if you give yourself space, time and distance, then the restraining power that has such a hold on you starts to disappear and you can move on. That sounds incredibly easy to do but I know all too well how incredibly hard it is.
Eventually the void that I’d created started to be filled and for once it was with positive people as I stopped the pattern of allowing and also believing undermining forces in my life.
My confidence grew.
I felt better about being me. This is what is so incredible about space. Unless you make time to create some for yourself, you will never have the opportunity to have power over what you fill it with and before you know it, it’s full of things you don’t want, can’t get rid of and have less control over.
And then I met someone special.
The most positive person I have ever known in my life. Sounds quite a claim doesn’t? But it’s true.
I have been lucky enough to have spent the last 24 years with this person and we have two wonderful children together.
She loves me for exactly the way I am.
What did space do for me? “A leopard never changes its spots” — She made me understand that actually I didn’t need to change at all. Perhaps my spots had been my strength all along.
